#introvert · fear to speak · my story · public speaking · Uncategorized

MAKING AN INTROVERT

Today, I want you to become a child again! by which I do not mean that you can go back and eat sand or pee in your pants! no ! absolutely no!

All I want is you to forget all your prejudices, conceptions and the intro – extro bias. Forget it, become as nascent and pure as a 6-year-old kid!

Because today I want to walk you through a journey of a six-year-old girl. A journey of a girl from being a normal dreamy kid, to being a shy and a fear gripped person.

This kid was not a born introvert! At the age of 6 she only had dreams and few ambitions, typically kiddish they were, but for her they made sense. She wanted to be that girl in the school who gets on stage and recites the pledge, she wanted to be the class monitor, she wanted to be that popular girl who was surrounded by boys all the time, she wanted to be an actress once she comes to the right age, she wanted to be an astronaut as well! But, she was not aware of the hurdled path that leads to dreams and that it needs a lot of courage and confidence to walk on it!

She took her very first step towards her dreams when the teacher announced the upcoming fancy dress competition, she was the 1st one to give her name. delighted she went home that day and said “Mom! you need to dress me well this time, I am going to be on stage!”

Her mother was more excited than she was and decided to dress her daughter like an Indian princess. She arranged for a white and red saree, white jasmine jewelry and a cute little poem for her to recite on stage. All the preparations were done, and the girl kept repeating the poem in her head till the day came.

Finally, the day was here. The girl’s excitement knew no bounds, and the butterflies in her stomach danced to match the rhythm in her heart. she stepped into her class, she saw police mans, spider mans, bat mans, bunnies, teachers (kids dressed as teachers), she even saw trees, carrots, and mangoes. And that is when self-doubt slowly crawled in

“Am I rightly dressed?” she asked herself

little did she know, fancy dress competitions are not for the rightly dressed. But sure it has a stereotype. Believe me, it does! common costumes of popular people + weird makeups are necessary for you to look like you are in a fancy dress. And she was dressed as a mythological character called ” tulsi ki dassi”, people hardly knew about that!”

” why are you wearing flowers? and why did you wrap yourself in a single cloth? you look weird? who are?”

these questions, where enough to give the self-doubt a hand to come and reside in her brain and the self-doubt faced monster starting taking the place of the girl’s confidence. she was drowned in self-pity and low confidence when the teacher came in and took everyone backstage.

It was her turn now, to go on the stage and speak in front of the people who she knew, the same people who questioned her about her outfit, her little innocent classmates ! she gathered all the courage she possibly could and walked on the stage, her heartbeat was pounding so fast and so loud, she could feel it in her legs and her ears. she walked up to the mike, shivering from inside

” I am dressed as tulsi ki dassi”

was all she could say when all those familiar faces in the audience started laughing, those innocent faces, the class monitor, the most popular guy, the most favorite group of the class, following them every other child in the audience laughed. The laughs were devilish, the feeling that ran through her body can never be described. Self-doubt now successfully took over self-confidence, who resided with positivity and courage, with help of the fear that marched in with guilt and self-loathing.

The teacher asked her “do you have anything else to say?”, ” Yes I do,” she said but was not able to say another word on that stage. The teacher took her from there. Though she was no longer there, the fear and its faithful companions never went!

Even now, she gets intimidated and the beat of her heart fastens whenever she sees a popular guy or a girl, whenever she sees a leader, whenever she sees an audience, whenever she sees these influential faces, it triggers the self-doubt army to fight again.

Few things changed though, she now prefers to be a writer, she now prefers to read books rather than to speak in front of people, she now was the quite girl who is found in one corner of the class seemingly lost in her books, secretly admiring a popular girl in the school. And now, whenever some asks her whether she has anything to say, the reply is always

“No”

“tried it once, didn’t went so well ” her shrinking heart repeated!

 

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BOUNDLESS THOUGHTS

Thought processing is crucial, the most tiring yet unavoidable part of a human mind. But for a person who prefers to stay within closed doors all day, these are the basis of its survival!

Yes, we can think, rethink, unthink any damn thing we want. From birds flying in the space to tigers timidly hiding in their cave, from ants riding an elephant to trees eating snakes, we can make anything come alive (in our imagination of course:p.)

Today I was late to my class, not 5, not 10 a whole of 20 minutes late. I ran to my room and asked the professor permission to come in (yes we were taught good manners in school😎).

“why are you late? ” he asked obviously

My first instinct was to tell him the truth, that I was watching “game of thrones” and who leaves that in between?

But instead, I replied with an even obvious answer

” I was helping an old blind person walk the road”

Believable right?

I don’t know why he raised his eyebrow so high that a second more of it and he would have helped them jump away free.

” is it?” He asked

” can you please tell me where did u find this person and where did u take him? ”

“Sure! I found him outside the bike showroom, he stood there like he was waiting for someone to come and take him! ”

“I see!” the professor said doubtfully

” yes! Then from that time till I reached here, I was with him, helping him go about on the street”

The teacher still didn’t believe

” did u ask him where was he going? It’s weird that you found an old blind man on the road alone. The chances are really less” he said

“i know it is weird, i asked him, but he was not speaking at all, I had to hold both his hands to help me walk, and support him everytime he began to fall ” i replied

“Ok then get in” he finally agreed “hope that the old person is safe”

“Oh yes he is!” i replied with utmost confidence

“he is standing down there, waiting for me!”

“What!!?” the professor was shocked

And I felt the adrenaline rush, my little play was about to climax

“come i will show u, ” i said

I took him to the balcony and pointed down to the old person

The professor looked utterly confused

“that’s a bike!”

” Yes,” i looked at him “that’s exactly the person I walked down through the roads!”

“Wait ! what? That is not a person!!” the proff appeared really angry

“not for you” went the reply

“U lied!” his face was all red

” Not technically” i explained with a proud smile ” I found him outside the bike showroom for the 1st time. It doesn’t have eyes, so he is blind, he cannot walk the streets by himself obviously and he would need the support of my 2 hands to actually walk on the street”

The professor was about to start with a big angry scolding when my mother called me breaking the thought story (for lunch, it can’t wait either..) I got up from the bed to hear my inner goddess whispering

” IT WOULD BE COOL IF YOU START DOING ALL THE STUFF YOU IMAGINE”

“I WISH I COULD”

Said the silent introvert within!

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BEFORE THE BEGINNING 

Do we need an introductory post here? The website name says it all! This website is dedicated to all those introverts out there who would prefer to read a lousy book than go party, except no book is lousy for us! Is it? 

I know there are a lot of talks about introverts going on accross the internet. Talks about embracing  your introvertness with the proudest smile, about how important introverts are to the world, about what an introvert would rather do than not to do.

But we seldom talk about how an introvert feels. We seldom talk about the buble the introvert is in and why he doesnt want to escape it. We seldom talk about how deep the properties of an introvert can go. What good can being an introvert be. 

Now, its high time we get into it. Lets discover what an introvert is. Lets see what is it to be like an introvert trapped in an extrovert body. Lets go deep into the pools of emotions and see how deep the introvert lies in it. 

#introvert #introvertism #introvertfeel #acceptingblogs #letsdoit